Instagram: Creepy A.F.

To those I said I would - I tried. But I just couldn’t get past onboarding. Instagram is too creepy.

So back in the day - waaaay back in the day - I used social media. There, I said it. When I used Facebook, it was still university-student only. Yes, that far back.  And when Instagram came out, it was just photos.

It was also not owned by Facebook. Meta was not a sleazy privacy-violating company. It didn’t exist.

But in the years since, and especially since starting a family, I closed up all big tech social media for good. (I am somewhat intrigued by the Fediverse offerings, and may dabble in those).

We all know that person though - the one that still uses Facebook / Instagram / whatever. And they want to share stuff with us. But, guess what?  In order to see it, you also need an account.  I’ve stood my ground, but sometimes the jokes are just too funny to pass up.

So in 2026 I gave it a shot - let’s do IG onboarding and see how it goes. How bad could it possibly be, right?

Signed up (using burner email) and my phone number. Got to the first screen and saw the list of people suggested to me.

Creepy. It actually listed almost 100% people I know. I was baffled. And quite creeped out, to be honest.

I raced through all the privacy settings to make sure that maybe I didn’t have something silly open. Wanted to be sure I didn’t leave my digital pants down around my ankles. Nope, all good.

I searched around to figure out How the fuck did it IMMEDIATELY know who I know?

The answer, to those who know, of course, is…. the phone number. Since I signed up using my real phone number, it apparently suggested a bunch of people that apparently have my number.

Still… that is soooo creepy. Maybe they have satellite cameras pointed right at me, being an oh-so-important being. :)

If so, it probably has a high-definition of one of my fingers in the upright position.

I can’t. Just can’t.  Maaaaybe Pixelfed will work out. It looks like a good clone of Instagram for those who don’t want to be creeped out.

I’ve said it before about Squarespace. And again with Microsoft. It’s your turn, IG: Fuck you, you creepy bastard.