My Baguette Is Not For Touching
In a fantasy land, I am a carefree and fluid person. But in the real world, I possess a neurotic level > 0.
There are some things that drive me absolutely crazy. And one of those are people who decide to touch fresh bread with their bare hands, rather than using tongs, gloves, etc.
I also blame every stupid business that puts this bread in arms reach of the general public. Really, just keep it behind the counter please.
You maybe know how this works:
- Hand hovers near like the Death Star.
- Hand grabs the bread.
- Hand gives it a good squeeze.
- Hand rejects it and puts it back in the basket.
Right said bread is rejected for whatever dumb reason: It’s too soft, it’s too hard, it has too much flour on it. I don’t like how it looked at me.
And this bread violator comes in all shapes: the sweaty bloke that is on his way back from work at a gym or construction yard. The ancient lady with the purple hair that you swear can’t be a year past 200. Or the person with allergies/cold who just wiped their nose with the back of their hand.
C’mon, HOW can you touch fresh food after doing that? I’ll have my fresh bread without a side of your DNA, thank you very much.
So here are the simple ground rules for buying bread on the same planet that I live:
- If your hand touches the bread: you buy the bread.
- If you need to squeeze, tap or “test” the bread: you buy the bread.
- If you leave visible dents in the bread: you buy the bread and you live with your choices.
Otherwise, use the tongs like a well-adjusted member of society. Or perhaps leave this planet. Keepin your options open.
Touch your own bread on your own time. My baguette is not for touching.
